work on Appeal, artcharms, read Borges, maybe dye hair

want to read Foucault’s pendulum. feeling very reading burnt out, divided across too many different books. need to finish some

should probably go grocery shopping too. and remake tracker spells, maybe work on sage notebook uploading as well

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I'm feeling very overwhelmed by how many different books I'm currently reading because I really want to get to 52 books by the end of the year and informally I try to meet my reading goal by October 31st so that I have two months to just read whatever I want or not read and take a vacation as it were and try to get ahead on some books that I can then finish quickly at the beginning of the next year and partly because I've been reading some very long books including some that I've put a lot of time into but I'm unlikely to finish this year such as anathem I am behind on that informal goal. I think I'm at 46 books by my account on story graph which includes podcast episodes that I have uploaded as books and I think I'm at 36 by my count on Goodreads where I am no longer able to add new books and this has me feeling anxious and imposter syndrome and I like to say that I've never actually finished a book because there has to be something that I missed in that book and because for so much of the time of the time that I spend with a book it's mostly me wanting to read it or feeling like I should be reading it and then the time actually reading it mixed in with time when I'm not reading it and feel like I should be again and then when I do finish it it's only in those last few minutes and when I'm writing a review and uploading my progress marking it as complete that I spend time having finished it and then I tend to move on pretty quickly even though I feel like I should be spending more time reflecting and reviewing but the problem with that is that as soon as I start doing that I think of all the books that I haven't reviewed and haven't reflected on and that I should be reading but especially the ones that I haven't properly categorized and reviewed and shelves and everything and that makes it stressful and daunting and disassociative

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since the last months of 2018 I've been working on a project relating to self-harm and lately I've been trying to resumm up my work under The heading of cruelty to the South, self-discipline, the danger with writing abstracts is that it calls to attention all the academic fields and figures that I have not engaged with and that I've only begun to engage with and which I feel I must Master before I can speak anything of my own which is self defeating. but I'm very interested in the figure of the pathetic demon, of pathos of suffering and the figure who inflicts cruelty upon themselves, part of this is the intrapersonal politics of the self but of course it can't be separated from interpersonal politics, I'm very interested in the book lent and too like the lightning both of which have devout demons who enact the judgment of a too remote sovereign upon themselves and this of course is very related to Foucault and I've been thinking a lot about acid Horizon and will who identifies I think the problem of Foucault not engaging with demon possession sufficiently but I don't remember which episode that was, I think it might have been the one with Vernon cisney who was talking about his lecture series biography of the devil, and I'm thinking about the introduction of caliban and the witch I'm currently working on where in federici identifies Focus engagement with the confession and the presumed male Universal subject over into the exclusion of the witch hunts and demon possession but at the same time I thought I remembered some passages in madness and civilization where Foucault discusses demonic possession but I'm not sure

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spooky Christmas angelic Christmas demon Christmas dragon Christmas faye Christmas

this year: lunar Christmas

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research the history of the traffic light 🚦