♀️🪼 16 Sebastuary 2024 ⛈️🌔 Waxing Gibbous Thunder Moon 💧🐃💧🐒🍁🐉 Day 10,289 ⛩️
♀️🪼 Feast of Utopia 🪼♀️
do you ever feel overwhelmed or depressed about all the books you want to read and that you'll never be able to read every book?
I'm rereading What Makes this Book So Great which is about rereading the classics and overlooked gems of SF. the author regularly reads a book a day, 6 or 8 on days when her chronic illness confines her to her bed. as you might imagine, the book is full of books that I want to read
currently the book I want most is Minor Angels, which I saw a couple days ago on John Darnielle's goodreads
last night I didn't want to read anything I was currently reading and I was inspired by our recent Kafka discussions to pick up Insect Dreams, an alternative series of events where Gregor Samsa survives and joins a circus and meets Wittgenstein. between yesterday and today I read about 70 pages of that book, which for printed books (as opposed to audio) is a lot for me (after getting burned out reading hundreds of pages every week in college it's really hard for me to sit with a single text for a long period of time. hence why I'm reading Autumn of the Patriarch 1 sentence per day)
I feel a lot of inadequacy over my reading speed--or
not speed so much as discipline, the ability to focus on a single text and plough through it in a few sittings, as opposed to carrying around 6 or 8 books everywhere I go and reading little bits at a time.
I'm not sure why I feel like the former is more desirable. I just wish I could do it, if I wanted to
Mars and Jupiter are in conjunction. you can see them, they're two of the brightest stars right now. Jupiter the brightest I think, and then Mars now getting a ways away to the Left.
I saw them early this week and didn't know what to make of the red star and so bright a white star just besides it. I don't know how long they've been in conjunction, I saw them on a witchcraft subreddit a couple days later when someone else asked the same thing. I think the big conjunction was yesterday or the day before at 2 am?
they're rising later each night, around Monday I saw them both clear as anything before almost any other stars had appeared, before the sun had really set, like tiny embroidered embers on a faded blue baby blanket. I was very attached to my blankets as a kid. the loss of my first one on a family vacation was I think a personality shaping experience
I once heard my mother say on the phone if she ever found it after all this time she would hide it and give it to me on my wedding day
which is pretty mean in my opinion, not to mention heteronormative
I think people have a very strange view of revolution, as of it's something you do or don't do, like brushing your teeth before bed.
like I see liberals but not just liberals say oh we could have a rebellion or revolution and change things in a risky fell swoop but it doesn't seem to be happening, or we could go through the long, slow, unsexy task of working within the system and being a team player with capitalism and make systemic changes from within
they always use that word, "unsexy." but I think they think they're so sexy, heroically going through the process of investing in and having your energy co-opted by the currents of state reform, which is actually a service of the state, reforms are the evolving immune system of the body politic, and reforms are the immune system of this in power and those surviving and resisting. and revolution too is entailed in those immune systems, those adaptations, and no one decides to press a button which then makes there be a revolution, it's a cascade of forces which will strike at various locals partly inflected but never determined by single sovereign agencies. because revolution is a break down or a transference of the existing regulatory agencies, or at least a breakdown of their hegemony.
so being a revolutionary means among other things anticipating breakdowns, and trying to connect the dots of the resistance you want and block off, isolate, repell the dots of the revanchist and reactionary and recuperative elements
breakdowns might come about around food prices soon. I'm tired all the time. I burnt two onions and a portobello mushroom on Wednesday/Thursday and that was like, a decent chunk of my grocery budget. I wish I had a community garden I could grow onions in but so much land around me, the field next to my apartment, it's all private and enclosed by fences and pesticides
when people get hungry enough and the prevailing agencies are distracted or complacent or unable to reach the local in force, will they look at all the land held corporate around them and wonder who could ever invent the mad notion that a person could own the Earth?
they might, if they have practice. if they have a head start. if they've already participated in community gardens and spontaneous distributions of food that were organized during the 2020 Uprisings.
revolutions are imagined to be this rapture like event, a momentary transformation. as if we can know them for what they are. as if we know whether we would already know we are in a revolution if there were one.
if a collapse or breakdown or dramatic shift comes, it won't simply be because people voted in their hearts for it. though we'll take what help we can get, gods and demons know
I would like to stand at First and Main with a sign that says Talk To Me About The End Of The World
because so many worlds are ending and being ended and we as a society need to be talking about it
I could ask them what is ending in your world, talk to them about carbon explosion, talk to them about the death of democracy, talk to them about the end of affordable food, about how so many people are killed by the state and it's just normal
I think grief necessitates certain things, certain conversations, reckonings with facts and falsehoods and authorities.
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sometimes this is all I can write
so today, I wrote the punctuation for a scene. maybe tomorrow I'll come back and add the words
omg do you know Dinosaur Comics https://www.qwantz.com/