“Amazing.”

— Me

“[REDACTED]”

— [REDACTED], allegedly

“Zach turned essays that were consistently three hundred to seven hundred per cent over the maximum word count. The first I thought it was a mistake but then he gratuitously apologized and said he just couldn’t stop. Said he had a problem. I told him it was no big deal. 90 pages later I’m beginning to question the wisdom of that statement.”

— Me again, but this time I’m refereing to myself in the third person and impersonating my professor. This is called fiction.