🌅🦁 24 December 2023

long nightmare about camping, martial arts, my birthing father, cats

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I'm trying to figure out how i should end a friendship. how much i should say, how much i should confront them. the way they promised support to me and reproached me for not coming to them when homeless only for them to give me the cold shoulder after i lost a close friend and then my job wen they arbitrarily and defensively cut off aid and revealing to have already given annonymously what they clearly considered in retrospect a too generous sum, the way they lectured me to turn to my abusive parents for aid as if they would help me. before that the way they talked to me, lectured me, like some patronizing missionary, about the dangers and intellectual errors of idolatry, and the gross dissonance between their profession of Christianity and their support for lassze faire capitalism as the child of a nausseatingly rich family. it makes me not want to know them. should I try to explain? idk. i don't know if they read this blog anymore, but if they do, I've been thinking about this stuff for months and months i just don't know if it's worth the emotional resources to try to mend this, or if I would even want to. our orbits may not longer be compatible.

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Terra Ignota

these books have been so important to me in the last 4 months of 2023 as i grieve for my friend Belle who passed away in June. thank you Ada Palmer.