👁️ | 30 January 2023 | 11 Pluviôse CCXXXI | 🌔

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went to a doctors appointment, surgery tomorrow

anxious about work, but i feel i should get the car working first since that’s the only way i have to go into work that i felt reliable about

really stressed about money. rent took nearly all i had left, and its not like i’ll be able to make much this month if they are cutting my hours left and right

i really feel stressed about that.

..

i’m hoping to write a collection of essays this coming month. something i could maybe piece together into a thesis. tonight i want to focus on doing some exegesis. $3000 bucks would make a lot of my problems a lot easier to manage for a little while.

i read a fair bit over this break, including finishing Zizek’s Jokes, making progress on Infinite Jest (skipping to the page i’d be on helps with the anxiety about always being behind). Haven’t finished Capitalist Realism yet, nor Invisible Cities. Did start on Getting Things Done (going to do some exegesis on that next) and finished Jury Duty.

this past month feels like a month. i think i’m losing less time to depression fugue.

..

i’ve been planting a bunch of trees in Forest, which has helped with transitions, sleep, ..

anxious they’ll schedule me for my therapy appointment. its ok tho, we’ll get through it. employment is worth waiting another month, ..

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　　.　　　 ⠀ 　　    　　　　　 　　　　　. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　⠀⠀⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀　　　　　　　　　　　　　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀✦⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀☄️ ⠀