27 Fructidor 230: on books, circles, *B'l;eed Out*, The Impossible Is Impossible
This week I’ve been continuing to listen to Bleed Out on a loop, especially iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii incandescent ruins, but also the one that goes john rambo never went to vietnam First Blood . yeah.
i want to do something in response to the album, i published an article earlier on incandescent ruins which is literally just a title the entierty of which is just a restatement of the source’s title.
so i guess the logical next step is to type out the lyrics in their entierty
i had been thinking i would give my summation but lets be real the most efficient way to go about this is to have a ready lyric written out portion for reference right there from the begining
i’ve also been listening to some mischife brew’s roll me threw the gates of hell and coffee god and cigarretes and keasaby nights by streetlight manifesto today back of house while washing dishes. best gig in the cafe
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i want to try to get some tutoring work, its so many habits to maintain all the time just to be a person
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books i’ve been reading:
A Scanner Darkly, PKD
one of several detective books lately, and i want to write a story where an angel has to solve a mystery, maybe play with omniscience. ooh see the taegan steel fischer poem about faking O’s, namely orgasms and omniscience
Apost(le)ate, Teagan Steele Fisher
recommended this one to a coworker, very good very queer very communist very gay, very trauma very G-d very poet very much
Lent, Jo Walton
.with big twist reveal books i often don’t think i should go back to them cause i' will know wha thte twist is (bold of u to assume i will know what the twist was just because i know what the twist was) all the while naively assuming i can instantaniously, automatically, unconciously retro-apply the info gained later back onto a perfect working memory (you hate perfect but not working memories) without notice or review. as reality would have it, only 3 percent of the way in i’m already struck by the weight of what i’d failed to re-measure. Giralimo is more tragic now that i have confimation that he’s secretly a tragic demon trapped by self hate, because he is also so clearly trapped by his own self-rightiousness, which is very me, and very Jude
The City and the City, Meivile
chapter 10 was quite the turning point for me, the whole concept of breach kinda clicked and now i’m waiting for the protg. (whats his fckf@ce’s fckn name?)
The Red Pyramid, R R
the first few chapters and bits and pieces as i doodle in the paperback i got. as a kid i sold my hardcovers to a used bookseller to get money to give to the poor, but i probably saved it for college instead. i miss those books. i was constantly trying to prove myself holier than my abusers and neglecters, abnegating myself as a way of carving my own terms. now i write scripture, like before and unlike it, both and also neither, not neither but certainly not both, Negation Identity Difference Word Meaning Mind Act Wisdom Mercy
Collected Fictions, Borges
Read Unworthy today , makes me want to revist 3 versions of judas. read The Theologians again recently, the water damage sense i last read it bleed the copper ink grey, and to this i added green and maybe some blue. i also read about a book called a brief stay in hell which references the library of babel. i want to write a story called Library Free Babel I mean Radio Free Babel, maybe itss angels and cia and a conservative palace coup getting rid of the newly chosen god, gods aren’t always archeons, sometimes they are antiarchs (antiarchy, or nhilarchy? negatoarchy? this slipage between nothing and negativity, stragne…i corrected someone on the internet tm patent pending today re the Hegeelian dialectic, vis a vis thesis antithesis synthesis being a Fisctch frame, Hegel using abstract (general?_) negation and concrete, but also i think contradiction should be more of the touchstone, or at least thatss the vibe i get from Todd what’s his face on Why Theory. a podcast i can’t listen to more then a couple eps of most of the time cause they specutificate so often in this anoying absolutist way when the actual substance they don’t even gloss just glip righoout over is already not only its own thing but part of that is its got its own metaphysical contributions far fresher and less dogmatic-mystical then there own
Recently finished
The Strange Death of Liberal England, Dangerfield
(finished a first readthrough with many long gaps. i think i will carry it around, doodle more in the margins, read my notes and possibly re-read the chapters on the Lords, syndicalism, sofroth
Embassytown, Meivile
finished before Embassytown (lol nice, but that makes me wonder why Meiville didn’t use more actual paradoxical statements…is it a book about positivism? ) befrore Strange Death
The Golden Compass & The Subtle Knife, Pullman
before embassytown, kinda burnt out on the second so i’m waiting to get back into the third. there was some great cosmobuilding but also some stuff that mostly fell flat, i still plan on reading the 3rd and probably the Book of Dust series too
Want to be Reading, or on my mind
was going to try to go and finish politics of the mind but its mostly read and remember little to nothing. im not going to make myself read every text i find on an ever fluctuating circle around self harm, politics, meaning, writing, authoring, negotiating, creation, pain, agency, et cetera et cetera et cetera
had the impulse to pick up Gödel Escher Bach, will try to next time, its on my shelf i organized recently trying to get together currently reading and priority reading books in one place, really like it so far
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this blog is my lifeline. i have sso many lifelines and they are all so life, all so important, all so L I N E .
oen
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hi , writing this from my alt account, ,,,,,,,,stream of concious-esque.
so i was thinking and i would love to use our writer's circle to share progress on my thesis, if that would be ok? it does deal with some heavy subjects which i would provide a peremptory notice of.
also, as a fallback, i was thinking that for weeks where i don't have thesis work to share i could share one of my articles on my blog, that way i have a backstock of stuff to ease my stress lol
i'm really so excited about this writers group. i haven;t had a community to exchange work with for a solid while and i miss it
update: i apparently cannot set this to send while still editing it so i'm jerry rigging it
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right now i'm listening to the newest mountain goats album Bleed Out, currently specifically Hostages. itss so good, captures something romantic and terrible about radio broadcasts, makes me think of the takeover from Up the Wolves and the Three Body Problem, and the Two Generals Problem, about revolution and propaganda which is such an art unto itself is it not?
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There’s curlyque lines, like I did not hunt down the moment it found me in a dream with the rapidity lent by a missing syllable?/missing repetitiveness compared to I did not seek out the mission but the mission found me, and it makes me think
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ö
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positivists, mystics, impossibilists, antiarchs, alliancecraft, reogranisms, metabolism, realissts, realistic imposibilistss, … dr k’s politics, non-politics, i was hypothesizing someone glibly saying the police shouldnt be political, the joke being the etymological oxymoron, but then shortly after saw a propaganda pro-scab poster (*spits*) where justice is tied up by politics. i comented who do you even think pays the judges, of course its politics, thats the very form, subtance, function, name, premise, justificiation and reality of the situation
The Impossible Is Impossible
for if what happpens on a daily basis were admitted to be able to exist (rather then say a sanitized and quarantined by way of absurdity talk around the issue, like that godforsaken trolly problem) then perhaps …
Then perhaps.
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wednesday will be errand day, writer’s circle is thursday. ive been coming up with symbols and meanings for days of the week, which plus lunar phases and solar have been a big part of my reformating of time
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…………………………
i should go to bed