just woke from violent nightmare. theft, fascists , tripíng, casual destruction, gratitude, forced gratitude. so glad i escaped

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¡ screenplay idea!!!

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kittens rambunctious coupled coupled up in their carrier during new moon nightmare. we were told by our vet to use neosporin on our cats, DONT its NOT SAFE. called poison control, 75 dollar up front cost, wtf, ok call other emergency number, they find the two nearest vets that are 24/7

yo in asoka’s india? idk maybe mongul? god don’t quote me but a certain dynasty with free roadside hospitals for humans and animals , super damn cool

ok call both vets price? 160 and 200, near and far. ok no question, near it is, but stay on the line to see what they say, they say, go to that vet. yes we are packing up take the kittens too one had neosporim as well tho less but he is small so symptoms? don’t know, take him with, can’t leave his litter mate alone take all three.

drive 1 hour in dark people’s bright lights on pointing at us fear for cats fear of god fear of family fear of loss fear of grief fear of guilt fear of miss fear of powerless fear of overwhelm fear of loose buttercup fear of loose everything fear of loose family fear of loose michael fear of loose me fear of lose house gods fear of lose kittens fear of lose Tiger fear of lose Peak

fear

shes still breathing shes still breaathing scared panting shes panting shes panting shes panicked car? probably, she was breathing, shes still breathing, oh god oh god please no god why god why god no gods but those we build for ourselves

at the vet, its hectic panic quite empty of nurses just scared animals, some human, some feline, some canine. fear scare well up too much too small my partner left to bring her there while i park, i bring the kittens more in a bag than a carrier the floor is missing try to nestle them so much panic , hes waiting, i return kittens to car, try to comfort them, pee, ask and say to the gods please take care of us, please help her. we take care of you, please take care of us. we want to take care of you, please take care of us. house gods roommates comrades camera camera obscura camera chamber judges chamber cort cortez …

wait with the kittens, not go on phone yet? don’t remember. partner back with buttercup, buttercup is stable, the vet for free did a triage check over and she is stable, better to call poison control than pay money on a visit, ok, that fine its 75, not 90 or 95 as i thought, not 300 as i feared, not the amount we would have spent all and gone into debt for a chance, please a chance, and yes, thank you, a chance

obsessive compulsive ghosts

angels

gods, god of the grove

i will bring the god of the grove incense and maybe i can find something else too. my ocd says i have to leave x y z precious items down thee well but i am not interested in paying debt to a god who writes contracts through my obsessive compulsive fears. i did that for 22 years, i’ve given myself a 10 minute break. don’t know when i’ll check the clock tho

god i’m having trouble writing right now, probably makes sense i’d get all tripped up on something technical , big feelings

i want to learn vetrinary medicine. i want to take a course in it on cats so i know like m y partner knows wilderness medicine survivalism

poison control is a hold of relievvingly short length than some that call, and they are very up front with the 75 fee multiple times. thats fine, i’m fine, i can find an extra shift here and there, i’ve got to be doing that more anyway. its just i want my thesis done in this bout of productivity … just like Benjamin. i can’t … i feel that i can’t finish it. i also fear that it is true that i can’t finish it. these feelings are real, they are real with a meaasure of independence from the thing the refer. all refereants are refereants. meaning as an emergent property? anti transcendence among the later french schools. idk

methods and regions

they tell us yes we can help you it will cost you thiss and yes we will pay. gather all information. ask all the questions. alright, the work will now begin. that was the pre-work, this is the work. pay and we will speak. eventually. i pay. we wait in cheerful music with llng tantaliezing pauses between the reruns of the song . its all too much. buttercup and kittens periodically upset. try to focus on comforting them, taking delight in their antics, encouraging buttercup’s bravery and endurance and general absoluteely extraordinariness . its a long call hold. an hour at least, i think, and what will they say? if they say to go back to the vet, will they have anything for the vet to do.

the call comes back. main fear was the potentiall stumbling, ataxia. voice loss, frequent, often cause of by cough or numbing agent causing voicebox temp paralyzed. usually ok. GI, vomiting and diahriah are what to watch for. concerning: ataxiaa, that shouldn’t be happening, its not even on the chart, and we don’t have much info on these particular active agents. ok well we only one of us saw ataxia, when she got up on the chair to circle, she walked away from us, dodging us, pretty fine, eating and demanding food with location not voice, ataxia was a shot in the dark obvservation, just trying to harvest any potential source of saving, of healing. can she walk now? did they check her pupils, her cognative functions? in the vet? well to some degree her pupils and probably other aspects, but that wasn’t the focus of the stability check, so, maybe she is ataxic? well , let her out? see if her head is tilting? no not tilting, expect being inquisitive, ok and she’s standing? wwalking? yees, beautifully, like achamp, scared but curious of the open car, she hasn’t had access beforre i think, only sonja did, but yes she is moving about with stability, not ataxic. ok well thats the thing we want the vet to examine for, so if shes good then you can probably drive her home and get her seen wednesday as already priorly planned, ok watch for what watch for vomit more than once, esp more than twice, and diahriah as well, together or seperate? i’m not sure , the implication i got was that together would be concerning but par for the course, its the repeat of sessions of either . ok take her home? what else? drool, ok no drool so far, but be on the look out it could be a serious sign ataxia, or otherwise GI? maybe, or numbing, … lethargy, yes that too, but ataxia is the concern so watch for that most of all.

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one sec.

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went outside got my satchel, took a shower, changed the litter, now take out trash then prob go to bed

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thats nice in monochrome text desktop laptop, on mobile its an emoji and doesn’t exactly fit with the others except the anchor ? idk

ok tho wash your hands, take out the trash and go to bed.

i want mcdonalds breakfast food

yeah?

yeah and coffee

but mostly

mcdonalds breakfast food

hmm

well

you didn’t exactly eat yesterday, not any food you didn’t scrounge for free at work

hey R do you think its morally reprehensible to steal? the thought didn’t even cross my mind when we were talking about stuff at work. if its any comfort, today my manager said its basically unlimited. don’t worry, they;re still getting much more out of me per shot of espresso than i would ever agree to under non coercive terms

goodnight

oh but yes buttercup we took her home she’s on my partner’s bed now as usual, looks alright from what i can tell, he’ll be up in acouple hours too so yeah i think we’re good to rest