A rampaging 500-foot long fire breathing dragon broke through the outer walls of the United States senate shortly before 11:51 pm tonight, killing two senators on the live C-Span feed before the camera fell from its mounting.

Reporters no where near the scene of the attack guestimate confidently that the number of those injured has exceeded three thousand. The bodies of those missing ought to be presumed gruesomely dead. Rumors of several aids being relocated to an impromptu medic station in the office of the Speaker of the House trickle from the mouths of those being pulled from the rubble. Unfortunately for these blissfully ignorant fools, we already know from leaked security footage that the dragon continued onwards to the self-same office, ultimately trapping everyone there inside the official minority party coat-rack and setting fire to the contents.

UPDATE

The dragon has now taken the House floor as the location of its new nest, using desks, back-up gavels and the shredded remains of the proprietary copy of President Biden’s proposed Tax Cut/Corporate Welfare Bill as materials for its nest.

Senior Assistant Secretary Vice-whip Rep. Louise Van Blathervote (LIB-NJ) was the first house-member to make a statement on the deadly reptile’s interruption of Congress’ business, purely as a result of the fact that she had already been on live television for an interview occuring outside the offices of a sub-committee meeting to discuss the anticipated rolling waves of power outages likely to occur some time in the third half of the next fiscal quarter as a result of diminished electric soy bean harvests, which have already suffered two record draughts and a burning bleight this year. The entirety of her statement reads: “AAAGHGGHKHEAHSHDHHDDSHITWSHSHSITIHSHIKAKSKSK” and was delivered entirely while on-fire. She is mourned by her husband the former governor and cabinet member Jason Van Blathervote, her chief of staff and longtime lover Libby Ostrich, four daughters, 18 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. A special election to fill her seat will take place in 90-110 days, though whether any candidates willing to go to work at the site of a dragon’s nest remains to be seen.

The next to give a statement was Rep. Arnold Wilson Washington (LIB-IL), who cornered a lethally injured camera man in the stall of a congressional bathroom. As Chief Executive Officer of the Executive Office of the Senior Assistant Secretary Vice-whip is not only Blathervote’s deputy but also her primary competition in next year’s closely contested race for nomination as the Speaker’s Special Envoy to the Presidential Coordinating Committee on the Bilateral Commission of the Trilateral Convention on the President’s State of the Union, a position which comes with no decision making power whatsoever but which is widely viewed by six people in the writers room of a mid-tier late night Talking Head show as being a critical proxy-battle for control of the 2028 Rehearsal Inauguration Gala Ethics Board. “We in the Liberal Democrat Alliance are concerned about the lack of decorum and respect for the norms displayed by the dragon, but nonetheless we stand ready, nay, eager to let the water go under the bridge and get to work with the terrible beaste on the important business of governing this great Nation.”

Brandishing an envelope in front of news cameras, only to stop once he realized that the intense lights of the ambient dragon fire make it perfectly obvious that there was nothing but blank paper inside the envelope, the representative discarded the document and grabbed a file from a stack being pushed by a staffer currently fleeing from the spreading inferno. The staffer, the cart of files, and the portfolio held by Rep. Wilson Washington were all ablaze to different degrees of intensity. “I personally am on my way to lobby my fellow law makers offices to encourage them to sign this Letter of Interest made out to the Speaker’s office asking for permission to invite the dragon onto a blue-ribbon commission to discuss funding models to rebuild our' Nation’s infrastructure. I figure,” the congressman went on, casually stuffing the still-burning folio with copies of lucrative government construction contracts sponsored by the Illinois Representative’s office, then rolling the folio and taking a long drag from its end, “given how much the dragon loves destroying infrastructure, it would be hypocritical for him to refuse to fund the building of more target’s for his awesome devastation. The voter’s simply won’t stand for that! No sir, he’ll have no choice but to accept all of our sniveling compromises then, or at least to go on record as considering them!”

Requests for comment on the part of the dragon initially went unanswered, largely because everyone we sent was eaten before they could return to deliver any response. However, our intrepid Lin Yung-Proudsfoot, by making use of a magical ring of invisibility and a game of riddles, managed to score us an interview with the great Beaste. Having encircled his vast, metallic body across the middle two thirds of the representative’s seating era, the dragon explained to us “I now control the vast number of seats in the chamber. Therefore I have a clear voting majority. I look forward to meeting with members of both parties, whereupon I will immediately introduce, pass, and execute a House Rules resolution of me eating them.”

As to whether this new legislative development will be enough to force the passage of critical legislation, the dragon tried to appear optimistic but appeared visibly daunted. After all, he still lacks a critical filibuster-proof supermajority in the Senate.