Our parents encouraged us to learn the arts of cruelty, to execute them upon ourselves. what one is and what one can be are not immiediately obvious to what one as such

we were cruel for them and with them, by them and against them, always cruel, always on ourselves. I was cruel to my sister, in a dissociated, vibrating smoke alarm grenade going off in your limbs and neautius stomache, acting out the knowledge that this was the only way what boundaries i could access accessible. it was torn out of me, and ceded back reluctantly, tardently, in patchwork and labrynth, as i refused expirimentally exploratorilly, to cooperate, and to dissociate while bearing their wrathful nonenforcement. so few things were enforced—that meant a crisis, that meant , i dont know, conversation is over, outbursts wildly unpredictible, terrifying, disssociating, wait and let it be over. enjoy your cats while you can, they won’t let you take them to college or after college , no those were ceded to us, we declared you said so 6 months ago, remember? when we declared you were saying so? yess yess yess

cruel to themselves to manipulate our own cruelty to their self and is it not then any wonder i am writting on cruelty? that I became something of an adept in cruelty, monastically, traditionalist where my father was evolutionarilly modern, radically heterodoxical where i knew i could out=argue the Assembly …

perhaps there are others, others in lifetimes i ddidn t manage to haul up, more dextrious or lucky Zaechariakhs to partake …

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i want to write this all out but i know these thingss take time , whether or not you’re giving it. … … … …. …. … … .. OTBT, my tailesman, my manifesto, my apology my surrendor my confession mea culpa my w*rk lol what is that supposed to be work but loll you ttttttttttttttheaeologist, if you love god so much, why don’t you marry him

And he’s not wrong. we had to hide it, but there’s always been a certain context (by always i mean, as always, “since the mid 90s” ) the contextual, well…

Christ and Aphrodite, for example, RR, both ♁. also, for that matter, Lucifer? well, lets focus on Kr and Aph for the moment. both Godx of Love. how about that. Christ we got Logos, Parakletos, you have savior from God, or sin, Law, ironically, or unironically, that you still use words to , but yeah, savior, not really forgiver so much as forgivement instrument? idk the ransom theory of attonement has never appealed to me and what’s more i think its bad theology there i said it I’m glad you broke your arm @vine i’ll not intrupert to link it yall know the one

well really you have a Johanian Christ as Aphrodite, and like , part of me does want to respect that and vibe with it but idk its seems to facilitate such an antihistorical, anticritical , idk very … very alchemy,. hmm that s interesting. a church where the alchemistss pose a signficiant bloc, maybe of bishops who are members of various orders

Aphrodite as an old God, before the other Gods, the child of solely Ouranos, the Son and the Father, the Daughter and the Father, but itss interesting, because if you’re going ffrom the outset or any set i guess for a specifically familial relationship, maybe cause of the ontological appeal but probably not just that, and youre like parent child, you can idk plausibly get away with mother - child, and mother of Christ Mary as a Virgin to Venus, hmm Venus Madonna,

Satan as advocate thereby implied by parokletos?? is the Holy Spirit the Angel side of God? what compromise resulted in this particular Trinity? ooh

! Idea : Various Trinities pretty good, yeah and branch to other numbers, mathematitics, …

A Series on Trinities

-Theometrical Exploration-

7 part god—the weekday Panthenon? god of time, god of Friday, patron saint of mondays, wizard of saturday? orno obf warlok of wednzday , also wizzard of wedzzndsddzzday … you’ve obviously got Christ, his Mom, Venus, Frijya, maybe some classical Hindus? idk if God as Love to what extent

Word, Breath, Law, Judgement, Debt, …

father grandson step-sister-in-law

very modern family

omg

god as a modern family. yeah god as a family does kinda have a ring to it, and the christians never have to / never quite can get out of it into a more eg islamic type montheism

Visnu Siva Brhaman, which …idk that all that many people follow a like equal view on them, theres a lot of more interesting complex subversion negotiaotnion ando nsoaidv negotiation

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father/son, father/grandfather, son/grandfather

okaaaaaay

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a god with three faces

a schizophrenic G-d who hears the voices of all other G-ds like overlaping radiostatic

The dreams of Gods is what iv’ve got my poetic theology on, i think, idk. nightmares don’t make sense to me and the world doesn’t make sense to me and that doesn’t make sense to me, and maybe the Real Son of God was the Friends We Made Along The Way

very well idk, son of god yes thats a common term in the grecco adjacent world for demigod type figures, often literal but it overflows that … … … idk its a weird byway the catholic church’s history flows down through

a catholic church of a platonic understanding of The Goddesses, maybe,

othe r r riyts roou routes sound good to explore

Image Symbol Reference Refreant Refereer refereance referfereance …

what i’ve been trying to say lately is that cutting was a kind of writing for me. and i want to explore the political implications of that. what do i mean by that well. for example, i feel very internally conflictory and contradictory in ways that mirror class struggle in certain ways, and also Cold War politics, internal family systems. Freud? yes, i’ve been looking into Freudian and counter-Freudian psychoanalytic schools, and recently i’ve been surprised by the force of a challenge to the ethicacy of exploring the former. my instinct marxist-monastic , of course, leaps to point out, this isn’t giving Freud money or even necessarily advantage as a selling-meme. maybe it does the later, the selling meme, if the alternative is that one wants to idk mass amnesia? secret to the grave wiped out and we all forgot about Freud? but like say it gets forgotten, what happens the next time Freud is reborn and does all the same things again exactly as he did them before, and also in different ways does things which are Absolutely Different Things upon not being the Rebirth of Freud? these things can happen, and if they cant, well, that’s even better evidence.

getting a narrating the voice of god in my head onto paper voice isn’t hard, thats kinda the trick of automatic writing. and so of coursse the god is real in this casse and of course it is important that we know How to Spot Gods, how to distinguish your garden variety Universe As Love Vibes from Omnipotence-

perhaps god is omniscient and omnibenevolent, but he is also, would necessarily have to be (say the guards_O-+ Omni impotent Omnipotent, omni’impontent yeah maybe have one of the i’s have an accent or umlaut idk

pwehPPWE

Pherhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps a story where the small gods loom large, like, the god that tells me i need to quintuple check to see the car is locked, or else someone i love a thousand miles away will be snatched up and tortureously killed, compared tot he Big City gods, the Jesuses and the … >>> … >>> … >>> …>>> …>>> ….>> .>>… >>> …>>>…>>>…>>>….>>>…>>>…>>.>..>>>…>>>….>>>….>>>…>>>….>>>….>>>….>>>>…>>>..>>>….>>..>>>’

rgwt they they have idk big talk big billboards big propaganda big stories, but they got lots of people to help and parties to crash, Jesus as a Hunter Biden esque political scion? second son, etc a prodigal son if yyou will, the prodigal son of heaven, thats how he’s hoping his welcome home will go. you never know with the Big Guy. If you did, I guess you don’t tell him. itss an extra special sin to be mean to Jesus on Holy Thursday pre-Party, he’ll have to Forgive you extra hard.

like guys come on your god is,, well hes very gay coded, i guess is the conservative way to say that. and in certain like, lifestyle ways, not least given how poor i am, i have to kinda take a conservative, anti risk anti adventurism? idk what adventurism is, its never been adequately explained to me and IT NEVER WILL

newsflassh its ok to be angry about things. that was a very special knife, the one that cuts itself as it talks on and on about the impossibility of just that.

we had to be cruel and we had to be cruel and we have to be cruel to ourselves and we have to be cruel to our selves cruelty and we had to be cruel to our cruelty and cruel had to cruel the crule of the crule by the crule for hte cruel andnd cruel cruel curel curel.

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