Temples to our Nightmares

Jul 27

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The Church of the Revolution

Marxists, theorists, philosophers, revolution etc. as their own religion? cannon? Marx as materialist …prophet? Different denominations? Orders? an order of anarchist monks, guerrilla fighters, …they meet at temples of labor, in groves and basketball courts and the freeway underpasses, they put up art. Jedi, wizards, sages, martial artists, mystics, monks, warrior poets, ascetics, the avant garde.*

rites ?—a eucharist with the martyrs, strikes, blockades, solidarity-practice.☿

my own church had reading groups, of course, and the awkward volunteering that is always so much worse at church because you’re being watched and observed and extracted of labor in order to make your weekly deposit on sainthood. mostly old people making up for late deferrals, to my uncharitable (and repenting, and self-hating) view of things. boring and awkward and obsessive-compulsive; I want a network of relationships which actively liberates us from things like these, our angry ghosts.

my favorite reading groups were sessions with the priests—both women of incredible learning and reflexion, making imperatives to “suffer no woman to teach, or to speak in the assemblyψ strike my own ears as so incredibly bizarre.

The conception of churches and states, as diads? so in this system, maybe a democratic confederal model is deployed. Temples, with internal sub-divisions or jurisdictions extending from the central assembly, community, democracy. within a temple, this star, this institutional heart, is invested with all powers of constitutive and distituative powers. across temples, there is a wide degree of theoretical/conceptual creative field (as a defenition/counter-example to freedom, a creative field, which of course exists in materialist particularity and systemeticality, eg the specific dimensions of my canvas, the energy and vibes and spoons i have left after work, what is left, what is left, what is left to us, what is left to be done…

Interesting.

I would also like a community of people with whom i can talk about my nightmares. writing them down without sharing them is i think re-traumatizing sometimes, so I might post them here and on reddit. I would be curious to hear

Theologies, Godheads, ontologies, etc. Revolution herself, consuming her children. Mother anarchy, who loves her children. Liberty, equality, solidarity, fraternity. The spectre of communism, the angel of history.

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< Untitled >

Tell me your nightmares. <I am leaning back in my chair, rods to the dying sunlight, trying to gauge the quality of the H-$tuff Quintus stashed for me.>

Are you sure? I’d hate to infect you with a fear of ghosts who don’t even belong to you. <alright there’s no denying it, the kid was a brat. he smirked impulsively, infectiously, impishly, obnoxiously cute and funny and charismatic, yes, all of which destitute dispense with discharge burning license for shere disregard for authority—no nothing so democratic, a presumption towards and hunger for authority in his own right, and i found myself going right along without thinking about it, wanting to authorize him, wanting to be his friend. it made me irritated and that made me irritated at myself for getting so worked up about the whole thing and now i was getting in my head about this whole thing and that’s exactly what zan is paying $70 a session, picking up an extra shift every two and a half weeks, to help me stop doing.>

i stopped being afraid of ghost stories when i was in eighth grade and got obsessed with them instead.

well, that’s alright then. who could deny that a ghost is only as scary as its story. let me have a hit of that—

tell me something small. give me an example, and I’ll drop it. <why does he think Judeis going to want to drop it? what does Jude say when he’s sleeping?>

ok, umm…uhhh

come on, anything

uhhhhh

doesn’t have to be a big—

will you shut up?

oh sorry

ok i’ve got something. <*rolls his tongue around in his mouth, almost going cross-eyed*(3) which makes me laugh and he laughs and smirks at me, and again the monolith of confidence this kid has infuriates me and that makes me feel pissy and not in control which makes me feel genuinely pissed at myself because “control is the obstacle which denies you what you seek by appearing to you as the instrument to the seeming end. you must discard control or it will bite you, but to discard it you must first pick it up by its tail.” shit like that just annoyed me more.>

<the boy reaches in again, this time in a single practiced motion, and dislodges a tooth, brandishing it to me in triumph. minimal blood, his smile now features the precise indentations of the rent enamel and looking at them I hallucinate the feeling of open air and sunlight on naked gum and involuntarily smooth muscle system-driven full body cringe> what the f ck? you’re still losing teeth?

kinda have to, they never stop growing in. I’m like a shark

guess cavities aren’t too much of an issue for you, then.

depends.

on?

whether I can convince the dentist of that fact. without revealing just how much of a medical oddity i am.

so there’s some x-rated x-rays of your freakazoid skull somewhere out there on the harddrive of a pediatric dental office?

wouldn’t you like to know

i guess you’ve always got an emergency supply of tooth fairy money at your disposal

they do take time to grow back, its not like i can pull one out every night. but if you give me a splash of H-$tuff i’ll show you what I do with them. its a lot cooler than running a one-man auction for the tooth fairy.

<ohh ok so what does he do?

<I’m not sure maybe he burns them? or i was thinking maybe the teeth defy time somehow and can be used like a time capsule to other teeth in other lives or elsetime in this life?

<cool, cool, i like it. want to go with that for now?

<yee>

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Blogging feels incredibly narcissistic.

maybe that’s ok. who is journaling for? to future me, in defence of past me, or advice from past me? letters to myself about myself? no, that’s only of second order importance, most of the time. what matters is the act of doing it. maybe other people can do their psychic math in their heads, but i need to work it out in an empty room on paper, thank u very much. or in this case, the almost entirely black background of my website’s word processor.

On: authorship, freedom, power, language

What could freedom of speech mean? If i have writer’s block, i can not say whatever words i want if i do not want any of my words? See again the creative field, also impossibilism versus positivism, the later interpreted to mean a rejection of the qualitative for the quantitative, an absolute reduction of reality to data? or that is a sub-field/slpit in positivism, along with romantic positivism—optimistic realism? pragmaticism? the court philosophers of Obama, who comes into office as Chancellor? Consul?

Counter History

I have the vibe that alternate history has to account for idk a kind of cosmic shuffling of the deck, so that eg if you have a divergent point in the early 30s AD that leads to entirely different national constellations and modes of economic development, patterns of migration and disease and technological advancement and climate manipulation, then you’re not likely to have a guy named oswald shoot a president named kennedy on Friday, November 22, 1963, at 12:30 p.m. CST in Dallas, Texas, while riding in a presidential motorcade through Dealey Plaza, south-east of the grassy knoll. However, the point of my inquireis takes as its theoretical base-metaphor for history not statistics or mechanical physics, but story and pattern and the conscious (re/dis)-membering not only the past, but the (world-historic? horizons of the imaginable?) of the “world-situation” (to borrow a phrase from The Dark Forest, Cixin Liu)

That’s not to say I consider myself obliged to repeat or re-hash the grand sum of all things (where did I read something like that? Calvino?). But counter-history is already latent in lived actual events, a psychoanalytically (schizo-analytically?) legible process. Makes use of pastiche? History is a nightmare from which I am trying to wake up.

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!Add “History is a Nightmare from which I am trying to wake up to the exegesis.

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Notes:

* ok so i guess avantgarde and vanguard are cognates and mean the same basic thing, in a podcast i heard recently they were contrasted almost like modern and post-modern. i feel like post- idk i feel like there are better prefixes. anyway but looks like that’s not the predominate usage. (link)

☿ practice.

I want to re-read Politics of Piety, Mahmood. I had a friend in undergrad with whom i presented on the introduction and first three chapters of that text. i must have read it three times, with so much difficulty, it was the height of my depression met with height of my academic efforts, and I think finally in the end I was able to converse in it. beautiful theory, the kind of writing that makes you weep. spellbooks, enchantments, acts quite literally of Apocalypses. Philosopherss really are the wizards of their worlds. As a kid wizard was what I always wanted to be

ψ Iglesias; I have recently learned that the spanish sir name and word for “churches” is cognate with/derived from the greek word meaning “Assembly”, which to my ear has a much more political connotation. I would love to explore this gap between- rather then for-word(s), this cousin of a lacuna, elsewhere. Imagine if the church had obtained something less then hegemony in part of Afro-Eurasia while—not metabolize, i always invert that word. not break down, but, build up? produce? process? IDK

⚓︎ i want a punctuation mark for ,* directly above/below each other, like a ; or : , also for ,— and !—, …

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Zacharí Brumaire

Temples to our Nightmares

¡¡All Power To The Angelic Juntas!!

I don’t usually kill myself on the first date