☸︎ | 18 Vendémiaire CCXXXI | 9 October 2022 | 6 🌔 Waxing |

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yesterday was hard, but in the evening after Dimitri went to bed i managed to get some chores done. this morning i got up at 12:30, we ran to the grocers', then i got to work 70 minutes early. I'm reading There Are More Things in Borges' Collected Fictions, i want to read Blue Tigers and other spooky math stories to Matteo.

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haven't pulled a card yet today, i want to write some letters after work. not sure if ill be able to get into a writing space before that.

thinking of changing to 12 pages at a time (6 spreads) rather then 6 (3) in my Orange II notebook. the disruption of the Blue II and Black II has me nervous about committing to a format…

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in There Are More Things a Scottish architect refuses to build a chapel for the Catholics in a small Argintine town on the grounds that he follows the Lord and Catholics practice idolatry. This reminds me of my conversations regarding High Church Episcopalian and Catholic practices versus austere (?) false-neutral (?) evangelical practices. I'm worried about my bitterness towards my friend. i want him to apologize or at least agree that we can move on. i sent him my reply and he got it but hasn't responded in full cause he's not feeling well. am i being …idk what i might be being. “unreasonable” is a word i take issue with generally, but something in that vicinity. or maybe my feelings are just still hurt. i would like to talk to JMS or BP about this, maybe HP or

I've had dreams recently that FB and i had resumed our friendship. our friendship breakup was a long time coming in some ways but i wish i had been able to mitigate it.

dreams of driving a strange cool car, helping a coworker get to work in a strange city, discussing unionizing. a couple nights ago dreamed of moving to Pittsburgh, accidentally abandoning my job and freaking out.

i want to volunteer at the animal shelter this week.

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Borges reading going well, it's nice having a time table not based on page count but rather sections. 18.5 left, and it's 21.5 days left in October.

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cutting as idol worship? blood worship

The self injuring God, self sacrificing God, internal soul economics, random theory of atonement, passion as part of the ritual of incarnation

early Christianity goes reincarnationist? Jude as a lama? a genetic experiment? every generation virgin Marys, apostles, messiahs, …

a monestary of magicians, multiple orders—healers, exorcists, prophets, … … … …

anyway, good to have some writing already done before work. 14:11