♀️Urania Aphrodite Night, Hathor's Eve 28 Quintilis 2023rd YOOL 310 Thermidor CCXXXI of the tennis court oath? Day 9,004 🌔Buck Moon🦌
♀️
it's strange, lately thinking about how she's gone is more jaring then it was a moon ago. i guess i was numb to it, but now it's sharper.
♀️
I've been listening to songs from a couple albums and trying to write about them. just put up a dispatch on ecological politics and grief. trying to figure out
♀️
a friend is getting married tomorrow, I'm worried about them tbh.
♀️
my sister got her license and is no longer with the creepy driving instructor so I've been working on reporting him, i haven't found any kind of mechanism yet but i would like to get him fired from being the tester so i guess maybe write to the city council? idk
♀️
í have been seeing her in my dreams. my deceased grandmother had been showing up too.
♀️
i am afraid a lot more now, i want to get into therapy. i took an important step on that this past Monday.
♀️
we didn't tell each other everything. we went weeks without texting, months too. we held onto each other when we could, with all our psychic tinitus blocking out every good thought like djinn confined in silver church bells.
♀️
the funeral, the service after, it was awful. i said nothing because what do you say. i would have said, that's not her, she doesn't look like herself. i would have said this is a false statement, this is a dead letter, this makes no sense.
i wish we had resources. i want to occupy a massive building in the middle of the city and make it a temple for queer people and homeless people and runaways and have gardens and libraries and parks and group kitchens and room for everyone.
♀️
I'm pissed that Belle had to go to a shitty workplace and grow up with shitty people and deal with shitty institutions which reward misogyny and classism and racism. and I'm pissed that i can't will the world into something better. i want to link up with mutual aid more. put together some life rafts. but the pain of the loss, the cascading shock, the disintegration. I'm left altogether destroyed.
i think i might read psalm of the wildbuilt
thinking a lot about
♀️
Urania Aphrodite is a Trans Goddess, and Saturn is a very queer God too, the youngest son (that fascinates me, the youngest son, the seventh son, the third son, the sons of fairy tales.
a sister of mine was very much mocked for having middle child syndrome. she was neglected and abused.
a brother of mine received a letter from our father apologizing for pushing us to hard to succeed (something he doesn't consider himself guilty of anyway) and in the same breath denounced us as liars, declaring that “by any definition, he never abused us, but in fact did the opposite, specifically that he always looked up to me” which is a much used line of his that has never made sense but which he used/my mom used for him on birthday card messages and a graduation or something
weirdass propaganda
Zebastián wrote to me of ⁰
—
shit the car battery just died
shit